Our Mother’s Are Not Always Right- Annika’s Story

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Halloo,

I hope you are all doing well?

I just want to bring you this amazing story I heard from a friend of mine. I posted a link to my article on the danger of total submission on marriages.

Let’s Talk To Our Young Men About Total Submission From Women. Another thing to be aware of is if you can control her, so will her family, friends, co-workers, etc. A woman who doesn’t know her own mind is a liability in the long run. Keep reading, please…. https://www.rukasplace.com/2020/04/23/lets-talk-to-our-young-men-about-total-submission-from-women/

My friend, Annika, responded with this story.

It is a very touching story and really buttress my point that we, women. have to learn that standing up for ourself is not waywardness or rudeness. Men too have to learn that having a partner who speaks up is not a bad thing.

Let me not steal away the essence of Annika’s story. Here, have a read and let us hear your opinion.

This is Annika’s Response

Yes, this is very true- a woman should be strong and have her own mind, her goals and her needs. I know it now. My Mum had always told me that there is no man who will not cheat on you, just accept it and close your mouth. All my childhood I had to see and hear my mum and dad shouting at each other and abusing each other verbally, it was very damaging to me. All that I had seen since a child, I repeated my mum’s mistakes when I got into a relationship at the age of 18. I was too kind, too naive, just loved unconditionally, but he did not show me much affection, but I accepted him. I thought that the more I do for him, the more he will start loving me and showing me love and care as I was showing him. Whatever he told me to do, I did, I believed this will make him like me more, make him to be proud of me, make him love me more. But it never happened. I got pregnant, had his baby, I thought maybe this will make him love me more, but no. I learned to cook Nigerian dishes, served him food, cleaned up his dishes, scratched his back, always showered him with gifts in hope that hi would finally start to treat me nicely, but it never happened. The abuse got worse with time instead, but I tried even harder to be better, to please him. I never saw a birthday gift from him, not even a birthday wish, I got beaten now and then, I was never good enough. I tried even harder, but it didn’t work. I fell pregnant for him for the second time, because he said if I didn’t, he would go and have a baby with another woman as he needs a son. During my second pregnancy, he treated me so bad, called me names every day as I started putting on weight, I almost committed suicide. Our second baby was born, but it wasn’t the son he wanted, it was our second daughter. The abuse and cheating went on and on, until after 5 years with him, and him giving a pregnancy and a son to another woman, I could no longer take it,my love for him started fading away. Finally, finally I had the strength and courage to leave him.My point is that when we have been fed by our parents the wrong idea of a relationship/marriage and as a child seeing the actions and fighting of your parents for so many years, you will not know any better,you do what you have seen and thought. I didn’t know that I had to love myself first before trying to be in love with someone. I had to learn to love and respect myself after all this difficult ordeals. I am so glad that I know today what kind of person I am and I have high Respect for myself.Infact my life is so happy now after being free of abuse and been single. Even if I had a man now,I don’t think he can make my life happier because he is just not able to. I am confident, independent and my life is great now. If talking about men- I have lifted the bar so high, I don’t think the man even exists that I deserve,so no problem,I am already happy alone.I will never settle for anything less than I deserve because now I know my value.

Regards Annika.

I hope you have heard loud and clear what she is saying to you. Especially those raising your daughters not to be assertive, killing their self confidence as the only way to get them husbands. This is dangerous.

Many women are not so lucky like Annika to escape with their lives and mental health intact. No human being is born to be subordinate to another. Let that sink in fast!

Thanks a lot for reading. Please, your contributions to this post will be appreciated in the comment section below. Help by clicking like and share with your friends. Also, don’t forget to join other subscribers to receive notifications of new posts by email. I appreciate it.

Stay with me,

Ruka

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About Post Author

Ruka

My name is Ruka. Born and bred in Nigeria. Now living in Ireland. I am a Woman, Feminist, Wife, Mother, Muslim, Black, and African. I am an Entrepreneur who also works in Finance Administration. I am a Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Warrior. I love writing and hope to make a name for myself doing it.

rukaganiyu5@gmail.com

https://www.rukasplace.com

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