0
0
Halloo,
I am not a person who keeps lots of friends. I am on friendly terms with a lot of people but really have very few friends.
Many people don’t understand the importance of platonic friendships and relationships. These relationships are important and can really help or mar your mental health.
Conversation With Friends- Don’ts.
It is nice to have people to go out with, I mean those people that you really enjoy their company. Great to experience activities like spa weekends, dinners, holidays, theatres, cinemas, day trips, someone to try new things with, and so on. But, to me, friendship goes way deeper than this.
Some people know next to nothing about the person they claimed to be their friend, which to me is sad. I know many so-called friends who don’t trust each other and say mean things behind each other. They laugh together, go out together, buy things together but the level of rivalry and jealousy in between is unreal. These are not what I want in friendships.
What is the point of friendships if you can’t talk frankly with each other? Why hang around with someone you don’t trust? Have you any idea the emotional turmoil you are putting yourself through?
I cultivate friendships that spark joy. I will be lying if a say I choose my friends, some of my friendships developed by chance. But I do decide who to keep and who to cut loose.
My relationships, as little as they are, are very important to me. I am not sure how conventional friendships should operate. But, I am independent and fiercely so. I like friendships or relationships where this is not just recognized but appreciated. I don’t do well with being dictated to. I think those who dictate to others are insecure in their own identities and need to force others to join them to feel good.
The few friends I have are people that I am comfortable around. I am someone who needs my space and my friends know this and respect this and I respect their boundaries too.
My expectations
My expectations from friendships and all relationships are simple. I love loyalty. I love those who will defend me both in my presence and absence. I do these too for those I considered my friends. That is why trust is important to me. I must be able to trust my friends. Many people think that I am unforgiving when wronged. But I do forgive, I just don’t give room for repetition because my trust in that person is gone.
Most people, I find, have trouble respecting other people’s decisions. This is something that really bothers me a lot. I don’t do anything for doing sake, so if you can’t respect my choices I don’t see any reason why we won’t keep each other at arm’s length. No hate, just boundaries.
I never expect a friend of mine to stop being friends with someone just because I am no longer on good terms with the person. It is childish. Anybody who had ever tried to pressurize me that way will tell you that I won’t budge. I never judge based on another person’s opinion, if we fall out it will be based on what you have done to me directly.
How do you value your friendship?
Some friends will be there both physically and mentally in your hour of need, giving unconditional support. To unburden one’s soul to another person there has to be an element of trust. Please value friends like this.
Another way I value my friendships is that I understand we can have different opinions on situations and not fall out, once we don’t try to force our opinions on each other.
I believe friends who trust their friends will not make assumptions or pass judgments without knowing the facts. These things can kill relationships fast, I know they do with me.
I also think that we should listen and be there even if we don’t understand what our friends are going through. It is important not to invalidate our friend’s experiences and struggles. We should shield them with love.
I engage by listening and gradually discover those I am interested in. I ask questions. I know some people are so secretive that questions are considered an attack, I just give them time to trust me. I try to be open-minded to know that my friends may say things that I disagree with and still not be a bad person.
Friendship’s commitments may not be balanced, one person may be giving more to the relationship than the other, it is not necessarily a bad thing. but if the disparity is too high then it is not mutual and no longer a friendship, in my opinion.
Compatibility is important in friendships and relationships. Sometimes you may want to hang out, talk on the phone, chat, and do things like that but the other person may not want these and may be too polite to tell you. You obviously are not a good fit. It is okay!
The faults of friendship breakups are not always from the other person, you might be the toxic one. Ever thought of that? Read how to find out if you are a toxic person here.
When to end things
How do I know when to cut the ties? It is not that hard to know when to call it to quit, especially if you know your own value.
Yes, it is natural for friendships or relationships to either go stronger or die. So many factors can cause these. Only a tiny percentage survived and last a lifetime. We evolved, we grow, we move, so many things happen to make these possible.
Some friendships are like some marriages, they should never have started in the first place. But the power of hindsight is great, isn’t it?
Some friends want to show up for the good moments and disappear while you are struggling. The thing is people like this want you to be around in their own times of trouble. Talk of a double standard. I am not only there for my friends, I let them know I want to be there. It is not easy opening up about challenges one is facing, little sign of rejection might make the person clam up. Encouragement is needed.
Some relationships or friendships just die, you may not be able to put your finger on the exact reason, some drain you, some are just toxic, you may doubt yourself a lot with some friends. Some relationships end because of bad habits from one or both parties. In some friendships, one may be too self-conscious to be real.
I sometimes downplay my feelings just to make some situation pass smoothly, but if I have to do that a lot in someone’s company then it is time to move on.
I have had situations where I will check up on friends on many occasions and get nothing back but once I stopped checking the same people will now complain that I neglected them. I used to explain in the past, I don’t anymore. It is not worth it.
Do unto others what you want to be done unto you. I learned to value myself. It takes 2 to tango. We are all living a very busy life. Ignoring each other is not cool!
I ask nothing from anybody but trust and loyalty. I am there for you no questions asked and I need to know my friends will be there for me too.
Many people will remember you when their preferred persons are not available or disappoint them, yet claimed to be your bestie. Once I spot this, I direct my energy elsewhere.
Friendships and relationships require a lot of commitments from all parties involved. Let’s stop making excuses and value each other properly. I think if both parties make a consistent effort to build the friendship, it will be a very lasting one indeed.
That you have a different lifestyle or come from different background doesn’t mean it won’t work. Find common ground. Talk about life, work, Interests, and listen to each other too.
I think if anyone has any dignity and self-respect at all, you will not continue to hang around someone who is not receptive to your gestures. You can’t force a connection, you won’t even try if you value yourself.
I believe if a friend asked why our friendship is drifting apart, I will tell the person the truth of how I feel, especially if it is someone I respect and really like. Sometimes your friends may not be realized that their actions are hurting you. I try to avoid arguments, blames, or fights. Many people don’t like confrontations and can be very aggressive in their defense. I try my possible best to be civil.
Be real, show your true self. Some people loved to pretend they share the same interests as you, they are so good at this that you may mistakenly think you have a lot in common. Even the most astute person can get it wrong. It may take a while to realize this and the disconnections associated with this.
The only way I know how to fight to keep my friendships stronger is the same thing I do in my marriage. I devote time to it. This mends it and preserves it. All good things take time, patience, openness, and realness.
Some people are not willing to devote time to some friendships and relationships. I called those people my acquaintances, we remain on friendly terms. We laugh and talk when we see each other and do the same next time we meet. No more no less.
If not you will keep pushing someone who does not want to be pushed. You will end up feeling like a nuisance. Respect yourself if you are getting pushbacks from someone, walk away, stay friendly, and not friends.
Thanks a lot for reading. Please, your contributions to this post will be appreciated in the comment section below. Help by clicking like, and share with your friends. Also, don’t forget to join other subscribers to receive notifications of new posts by email. I appreciate it.
Stay with me,
Ruka
Stay with me,
Ruka
