How To Raise A Perfect Gentleman

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Halloo,

This article is not about teaching your sons to cook, clean up after themselves, iron their own clothes, or do more housework. If you are not doing that already I doubt if this post will be of any interest to you.

I just want to question our mindset on who a man should be. See if you feel the traditional view of all men being physically strong and distant is ideal for your sons. Do you still think that all men should be strong and silent, emotionally unresponsive?

What can I say? Most of us grew up with men like these as fathers, uncles, cousins, neighbours, or bosses. These men are not bad people, just that society and tradition forced on them an image of men that are not sustainable in today’s world.

Showing emotion is not unmanly. Crying openly will not reduce a man’s masculinity. African women take note, this is directed at you. Telling your son to stop crying and toughen up because he is a man is sending a wrong message to the boy.

These boys already face enough challenges from their peers to be a lads’ lad. It is great when your son is this way inclined and excel at those things considered manly. But those boys with more sensitive nature or fragile physically may suffer to fit in.

We are not created equally. Some human beings are very good at physical activities and some are not. It does not matter whether the person is a boy or girl.

Rejection in any form is bad for our mental health. Teach your sons to recognise their own strengths and take pride in it. Show them that a man can be so many things and be exactly what he wants to be. He doesn’t have to do anything to prove his maleness.

The tools every man need, all human beings need, to be their ultimate self is kindness, respect and to be supportive. Ability to recognise their need for help. And the courage to seek that help. Keeping emotions bottled up is not what makes a man.

When people suppress their emotions, it becomes a dangerous thing. These emotions are suppressed, not gone. They will need an outlet. That is why some men get aggressive, displaying a high level of anger, and resulting in violence. Teach your sons to speak out. If a person annoys them to teach them how to make the person realise this calmly. Don’t tell your sons that a man doesn’t complain. Why can’t men complain if women can?

Watch what you accept from their fathers or the men in your life. When your sons see you being knocked about by men and you are okay with it. You are telling them that is how to be a man. Men that are physically and emotionally abusive are not good role models for your children, not just your sons.

That is why I get angry when people say, you should exercise patience and not leave when your partner is being abusive. Let me tell you, apart from the health risk to yourself, the children watching you are being given some life lessons, be sure it’s what you intend for them to learn in life is what is happening in front of them. Again African women take note. Suffering is not what makes marriages successful. Violence in any form should not be tolerated.

The stereotype of men being unapproachable and disagreeable must stop. And it stops from how we raise those boys in our care. The rate of suicide among young men is high, and research linked this with societal pressure.

As more and more people end up with one mental health problems or another. Men are going to find it hard to seek help because they have been conditioned to believe that being vulnerable makes them less of a man than other men. Let’s stop this nonsense.

Most of the women suffering today in loveless marriages or undergoing domestic violence chose to marry these men because of their perceived masculinity, which is nothing but aggression. They ignored warm, kind, gentle, friendly, sympathetic, supportive, and sensitive men as too weak.

Being born male is just nature, what you make of it should be entirely up to you. Stop interfering with your sons’ mental health by feeding them wrong image about men. Teach them how to be human beings instead.

Boys can be brave, proud, strong, these are not just masculine qualities, they are qualities great for all human beings. It is how we interpret these qualities that make all the difference.

Thanks a lot for reading. Please, your contributions to this post will be appreciated in the comment section below. Help by clicking like and share with your friends. Also, don’t forget to join other subscribers to receive notifications of new posts by email. I appreciate it

Stay with me,

Ruka

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About Post Author

Ruka

My name is Ruka. Born and bred in Nigeria. Now living in Ireland. I am a Woman, Feminist, Wife, Mother, Muslim, Black, and African. I am an Entrepreneur who also works in Finance Administration. I am a Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Warrior. I love writing and hope to make a name for myself doing it.

rukaganiyu5@gmail.com

https://www.rukasplace.com

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