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Hello,
Oh God! how do I write this without whining? Ahhhh, not possible. So, Rant Alert!!!
I will like to report an uninvited guest who for no known reason choose to keep coming to me whenever she feels like. We have been together for so long now that I think courtesy demand we become friends. See How to Tame Chronic Pain
Problem is she won’t obey my rules.
This uninvited guest is Chronic Pain. I will make proper introductions in a later post.
I have no choice but to regard this unusual pain as a human being, in fact, A girl. Must be, I think. She is such a diva. The power struggle between us, The jealousy, the unpredictability, the temper, and the wicked sense of humour… definitely a girl.
Believe me, I have tried everything I can to get her to stop coming but she just won’t listen. So, I have adjusted myself to her dashing-in and out whenever she feels like it. I just implore her to behave, especially on important days. See How to Tame Chronic Pain
I like to think that we have an understanding, I stay away from stressful situations, relax, stretch, eat healthy stuff, and keep moving around. In turn, she will only visit on a very rare occasion and keep the visit very brief.
Wishful thinking.
There are days that you feel that she is finally ready to be friends. But there are days when she just throws tantrums like a toddler for no apparent reason.
Of all the suffering that comes with living with chronic pain, I particularly detest the appearance and disappearance with no justification. And here is where my beef lies with this Chronic Pain.
I could be having the time of my life and she will peep out and gets angry, I think on such occasions she must be saying to herself:
‘Too much fun happening around here, I can’t have that, I won’t have that. Let’s nip this in the bud’
And that is it, Party over.
You think that is my price for having fun, right? How about on really crappy days, do I get sympathy from her royal highness? In my dreams maybe. More than likely my uninvited guest will be calling me a whining baby:
‘What are you feeling sorry for yourself for? Okay, let’s give you something to really complain about’
And just like that She will add to my misery. See How to Tame Chronic Pain
Another annoying characteristic of hers is that you can never know the length of stay of each visit. It could be 5 minutes and it could be A week. who does that? at least when I know when a visitor is leaving I can make arrangement and suffer them for the stated duration.
Did you know that when she finally leaves, I can’t even permit myself to rejoice because she might be lurking in the corner? That is if I even have any energy left to celebrate.
I mean why did she choose me in the first place? I have no idea. Doctors can’t give a definite answer. I have found solace in not beating myself up about the why and what not, my energy is spent on managing it and still have a good quality of life.See How to Tame Chronic Pain
But there are days that I really do have conversations with her, begging her to let me be and be a properly functioning human being. There are a couple of times that I actually think she listened.
Hard to relax because even on pain-free days, I am sometimes on edge thinking Chronic Pain might just rear her head anytime. Hence the road to Depression and Anxiety.
God gives the toughest battles to the strongest soldiers! It has to be because I have no other explanation for this. See How to Tame Chronic Pain
Stay with me,
Ruka
This piece was everything i needed right now..very relatable.
You have no idea how glad I am that you find this humble write-up useful. Thanks and hope you get more good days than not-so-good ones. Much love.
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