Why I write about my chronic pain.

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Hello,

I make no secret of my journey with chronic pain.

I write openly about it not because I want pity or seek attention. I know of many better ways to get attention than talking about my chronic condition. Pity is not my thing. Those who know me, know I can’t stand people pitying me.

Am I looking to be understood then?

Hmmm, I won’t mind a little understanding, but I am at that point where I know that it may be asking for too much from people. I barely understand this pain myself.

First and for most I am not ashamed. I didn’t ask for this, instead, I was chosen. I am quite proud of myself actually,  I never realized I could fight this hard!

My main reason for sharing my story and experiences with chronic pain is to help others who may be in the same shoes as me. I am talking about people who are fighting invisible illnesses.

I know I can’t cure them. But I hope to give them encouragement and hopeful point them in the direction of HELP!

Now, I am speaking for myself, it may or may not be the same with other people going through long-term pain.

I spent years thinking I was crazy, that nothing is wrong, it’s all in my mind.

The doctors couldn’t find anything. I did a series of tests, went from one hospital to another. Nothing. Some of these doctors even treated me like a nut-job. They made me feel like I love coming to hospitals, taking my clothes off, and let everybody who feels like prodding me to do so.

It was a harrowing time for me.

Like most people with a long-term health issue, depression is always somewhere nearby. I am no exception.

I travelled down the dark path of depression. Those who have gone through this path know it is one of the worst things ever. It is intense. The daily challenges faced by someone with depression can never be understood by someone looking in from the outside.

I cried, I blamed, I lost all hope for any form of a normal life ever. I mourned my lost dreams and aspirations. I watched my children growing up with a mother who is always in bed.

Currently, my life is about good days and the not-so-good days. My prayer is for the former to be more than the later. But in those dark days, all the days were muddled. Most of the times I will be so full of Pain Medications that make me sleepwalk through the day.

Luckily, at the heights of it all, God used a series of ways to pull me back.

One of the ways God used is by directing me to read a story of a Fibromyalgia Warrior on Facebook.

This lady was talking about how she had changed GP on so many occasions because the Doctors weren’t taking her seriously. She talked about her symptoms and her struggle to get a diagnosis. But she finally got lucky and met a Doctor who has chronic pain too.

I couldn’t believe it. It was like reading my own story except it wasn’t written by me.

That got me to join the support group she was in and I read the stories of others. All similar to mine.

Let me tell you, the joy that went through me will have you thinking I have found the cure for my condition. This lifted my spirit greatly. I started following some of the practical advice these people were giving on dealing with this condition.

The thing with a long-term illness is- you can see those around you struggling to understand and stay helpful, that is if you are lucky to have supportive people around you. But no matter what they can never understand the struggle, and anxiety that comes from your problem.

Sometimes all you just want to do is just pour your heart out to someone who just understands. This is what I found when I read the story and join this group.

I made lots of changes. My life changed for the better. I came from sleepwalking through life (because of the pain medications) to actually doing things I want. I became a warrior!

All because someone shared her story.

It will be my greatest joy if I can do that for someone too.

Many people have made contact with me over the years because I talk openly about my struggle with chronic pain. I have to say most of these people are way more experience in coping than I am and I have learned so much from them.

I know there are many people still battling silently in their homes. They will be freaking out and running up and down in search of a cure. Imagine one of them reading my story and realizing they are not alone. Awesome.

Sometimes what saddens us is not the ailments itself,  but the unknown factors. When we can’t get any definite answers from those who should know (Doctors). Your mind will start playing tricks on you. The more you hear them say they can’t find anything wrong with you, the more you doubt your own sanity.

I am so glad those days are over.

I still have pains, and I still struggle. But I am so glad to have a whole community of people who understand. A place where I can go to and pour my heart out without being judged, without feeling I am inconveniencing anybody.

It is a huge relief to talk to people who actually get what I am going through. 

Also, I am hoping that by writing about my struggle with chronic pain it will prove therapeutic and bring me increased good health and well-being.  Fingers crossed.

So, I will be talking openly about my ups and downs with this Chronic Pain condition. I hope you will keep reading.

Want to know what Chronic Pain is? Check here

You might also like My Beef with Chronic Pain

Or Getting Comfortable with Chronic Pain

Stay with me,

Ruka

About Post Author

Ruka

My name is Ruka. Born and bred in Nigeria. Now living in Ireland. I am a Woman, Feminist, Wife, Mother, Muslim, Black, and African. I am an Entrepreneur who also works in Finance Administration. I am a Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Warrior. I love writing and hope to make a name for myself doing it.

rukaganiyu5@gmail.com

https://www.rukasplace.com

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