What To Say When Someone In Distress Confides In You.

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Halloo,

Do you have a friend going through a rough time, a family member in distress, or suffering from an invisible illness? And this person chooses to confide in you? You are so scared of doing or saying the wrong thing or adding more to the person’s problem. Relax!

Listening with compassion is the most important thing. What most people are looking for is a listening ear, understanding, and respect. You must have gone through some rough times in your life too, just imagine what you would want from someone in your hour of need. Give that to the person.

When I am talking to someone, I take note of their body language, whether there is genuine interest there or not. Let the person confiding in you know that you are concerned and interested by listening with your whole being.

Show concern, we all respond well to positive and genuine concerns from others. Don’t be quick to offer what you think might help. I know most people feel inadequate in situations like these, they desperately want to find a solution, and they have the misguided view that the reason the person is telling them is for them to solve the problem. No!

The person in distress choosing to talk to you will benefit more from your kind presence and listening ear than unsolicited advice. Be a friend- do normal things together like going for walks, singing, dancing, take the person’s mind off their troubles. The person will let you know if they want particular support like accompanying them to therapy or to the doctor. Don’t force anything.

I know you may have your own troubles to deal with too. But if you are looking for ways to help try checking up on this person in distress regularly. It will be a great thing. Text, call, or visit. Do whatever is within your capacity to show you care.

You may be one of the strongest people in the world and have a great ability to deal with your own problems efficiently, please remember that the person talking to you is different from you. They may not have your strong disposition. So, don’t judge or dismiss them as weak or take their situation as something caused by their lack of willpower. It won’t help.

One of my great dislikes is when you open up to someone about what is going on with you, your fear, despair, pain, concerns, health, whatever, and this person starts treating you differently or referring to it in your conversations. For example- ‘I don’t want to say anything so you won’t say I caused your depression. Hello, that is nasty. Treat the person as before, they are still the same person.

It will also be a great help if your conversation is kept private unless the person is in danger of getting hurt. In this case only reveal this to people that really need to know, and make sure to seek permission from the person who confided in you. Nothing is more discouraging than telling someone your fears in private and it becomes public knowledge.

I am in many support groups for mental health and fibromyalgia. I have seen many statements some warriors consider offensive from clueless people. Some I agree as terrible things to say to someone in distress. Some I don’t see anything wrong with. So, it may be a bit difficult in some cases to know what might upset someone.

I think we all agree that these are bad statements:

• You need to try harder
• I know just how you feel.
• You need to pray
• Maybe if you lose weight
• Start exercising
• Buy this drug and it will cure you
• Everybody is depressed
• You need to socialize more
• I know someone who had exactly the same thing
• All these are western ideas
• Stay away from those pills.
• You should reject it in Jesus’s name
• I know a spiritualist who can cure you
• You need special prayers
• It is all in your mind

If all these are upsetting what are the best ways to respond then?

A more helpful response will look like this-

• This must be so hard for you
• I am so sorry to hear this
• You are really strong
• Managing all these must have been very difficult
• Of course, this will cause great stress for anyone
• This is really a tough situation, I really admire your courage
• I want to help. Tell me how I can
• How can I help?
• I can only imagine the stress of all these
• What can I do?
• I’m happy to assist you to find a qualified person to talk to.
• What have you done in the past to manage similar situations

Okay, so these are my take based on my experience. I know many people may have similar or totally different views on this. Why not share them with me in the comment section below, I look forward to hearing from you.

Thanks a lot for reading. Please, your contributions to this post will be appreciated in the comment section below. Help by clicking like, and share with your friends. Also, don’t forget to join other subscribers to receive notifications of new posts by email. I appreciate it.

Stay with me,

Ruka

Stay with me,

Ruka

About Post Author

Ruka

My name is Ruka. Born and bred in Nigeria. Now living in Ireland. I am a Woman, Feminist, Wife, Mother, Muslim, Black, and African. I am an Entrepreneur who also works in Finance Administration. I am a Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Warrior. I love writing and hope to make a name for myself doing it.

rukaganiyu5@gmail.com

https://www.rukasplace.com

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